A Mach/Lap® Guide to the Oscars™

  Roll out the Red Carpet! Light the lights! Thaw out the Billy Crystal doll from cryosleep and give the joke writers from Home Improvement a job. Yes it’s the Oscars®™©don’tyoufuckingtrynothingbitch! So here, from a deep insiders perspective (my uncle is Tom Cruise’s gynaecologist plus Fabian once jerked it to Dunston’s … Continue reading

4 Reasons I Probably Didn’t Get That Job Writing For “Neighbours”

“Neighbours” was a traditional Australian custom that involved older people filming younger people having pretend arguments until the younger people felt confident enough to become pop-singers. A curious by-product of this odd process was a long-lasting soap that was packaged and shipped to England. Today, even though we have national … Continue reading

“Taste Bud” by Carl J. Sorheim

“You’re not drinking that, are you?” she said with a face you’d normally reserve for accidentally biting into garlic-infused shit pies. “No, I buy coffee to keep the economy healthy” I replied with a hint of offence, staring glumly into a bottomless mug of black liquid. “I like the way … Continue reading

“Defying Convention” by Tony Besselink

One of the most arrogant things a human can do is put a dress code on an invitation. That’s basically saying, “I think my party deserves a certain level of sophistication.” And I’m not sure you deserve something just because you wrote it on a piece of paper. I would … Continue reading

“Timey Wimey Sausage Festy” by Lisa Dib

More like Doctor WUUUUUT, am I right? The latest gallivanting Gallifreyan has been announced and, surprising no-one, a white male has been selected to play the British institution that is ‘The Doctor’. The internet is, as usual, a fount of wit and civilized discussion: “Barely 5 mins into Dr Who … Continue reading


CLUSTERFUCK: The Movie A MACH/LAP review of Cloud Atlas. Stars: Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant and Agent Smith. Firstly: Fucking Spoilers. Secondly: I don’t want to just be a negative naysayer, so lets look at this movie objectively without bias or vitriol; Cloud Atlas is a giant … Continue reading

400 Words or Less…

400 WORDS OR LESS or Why I probably won’t get into film school. Recently, I decided to re-assess my overall life achievement of absolutely nothing and consider a concept that is something of an anomaly to many of us in the creative arts/unemployment industry: a career. Now surprisingly, my Bachelor … Continue reading