“Timey Wimey Sausage Festy” by Lisa Dib


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More like Doctor WUUUUUT, am I right?

The latest gallivanting Gallifreyan has been announced and, surprising no-one, a white male has been selected to play the British institution that is ‘The Doctor’. The internet is, as usual, a fount of wit and civilized discussion:

“Barely 5 mins into Dr Who casting reveal & the internet is all ‘Why not an African? Why not a woman?’ I’m all for equality but GET a GRIP.”

“It isn’t sexist to believe that the new Dr Who shouldn’t be a Woman, it’s a sensible conclusion! It simply would not work. Sorry. “

“Matt smith is definitely my fave dr who!! but who will be next not being sexist but I dont think it would be the same if its a woman”

At least that’s one area in which apparently men and women can agree: a male actor should always play the Doctor because change is scary and sexism is great. For a community in which women already have so much trouble (see: the “Fake Geek Girl” phenomena), why is there still an issue over a lady Doctor Who?

Doctor Who is, of course, a fantasy show. A science-fiction drama that began as a kids’ show with dodgy props and sometimes the Doctor looked like a magician.  The female element of the show is reserved for the “companion” of which there can be one or many but almost always female and, throughout the David Tennant regeneration period anyway, often in soggy-eyed love with the Doctor in some way. It’s woman as sidekick while the Doctor saves the world from alien grass or whatever.

Looking into the show’s sausage fest of writer’s alum, it’s no wonder the show can’t pop out a decent lady Doctor. Why would you? I mean, Doctor Who has only been around for, oh, fifty years, why would you fix what ain’t broke? Head writer Steven Moffat recently said that casting a woman as the Doctor “would be like casting the role of the Queen with a man.”

Sure. Whatever.

I don’t know what lies behind the sexism of the Whovians, in the same way I don’t know what lies behind any sexism. There’s no reason for the Doctor to be a man, or white, or British; it’s a goddamn science-fiction show, you buttholes. So, cat people? Sure. Sentient globs of fat? Why not. Demonic angel statues that come to life sometimes? Go ahead! A female Doctor WHOA WHOA WHOA WAIT HOLD THE PHONE THERE, FEMINAZI. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THERE WAS A FEMALE DOCTOR?!

Yeah, dude. A woman would play Doctor Who. Thassit. And maybe even have a male companion! Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. One pop culture revolution at a time.

It’s a shame that beacons of popular culture don’t see any responsibility to cast their nets somewhat. Either they are afraid of their fans dropping the show (which, if I were my mother, would make me say: “Well, if they would do that, they’re not the kind of fans you want anyway, dear”) if they were to change it too drastically; or they are themselves a hive of sexism and creative piddle. An obsession clearly lies in making Doctor Who a sleek, cheeky, imperfect but oh-so caring savior of the Universe with some sort of personal quirk/hat/catchphrase. My question to Doctor Who nerds out there would be: why would a woman playing the Doctor be a bad thing? She would still be, hopefully, a time-travelling, Tardis-crashing, cool-exit-line-spouting Time Lord of seemingly infinite gadgets and powers.

And that fucking stupid sonic screwdriver.

© Lisa Dib, 2013

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