A Mach/Lap® Guide to the Oscars™

  Roll out the Red Carpet! Light the lights! Thaw out the Billy Crystal doll from cryosleep and give the joke writers from Home Improvement a job. Yes it’s the Oscars®™©don’tyoufuckingtrynothingbitch! So here, from a deep insiders perspective (my uncle is Tom Cruise’s gynaecologist plus Fabian once jerked it to Dunston’s … Continue reading

“Taste Bud” by Carl J. Sorheim

“You’re not drinking that, are you?” she said with a face you’d normally reserve for accidentally biting into garlic-infused shit pies. “No, I buy coffee to keep the economy healthy” I replied with a hint of offence, staring glumly into a bottomless mug of black liquid. “I like the way … Continue reading

“Defying Convention” by Tony Besselink

One of the most arrogant things a human can do is put a dress code on an invitation. That’s basically saying, “I think my party deserves a certain level of sophistication.” And I’m not sure you deserve something just because you wrote it on a piece of paper. I would … Continue reading

“Timey Wimey Sausage Festy” by Lisa Dib

More like Doctor WUUUUUT, am I right? The latest gallivanting Gallifreyan has been announced and, surprising no-one, a white male has been selected to play the British institution that is ‘The Doctor’. The internet is, as usual, a fount of wit and civilized discussion: “Barely 5 mins into Dr Who … Continue reading

CLUSTERFUCK: The Movie

CLUSTERFUCK: The Movie A MACH/LAP review of Cloud Atlas. Stars: Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant and Agent Smith. Firstly: Fucking Spoilers. Secondly: I don’t want to just be a negative naysayer, so lets look at this movie objectively without bias or vitriol; Cloud Atlas is a giant … Continue reading

400 Words or Less…

400 WORDS OR LESS or Why I probably won’t get into film school. Recently, I decided to re-assess my overall life achievement of absolutely nothing and consider a concept that is something of an anomaly to many of us in the creative arts/unemployment industry: a career. Now surprisingly, my Bachelor … Continue reading

FML #1: A Mighty Wind

Stardate: Now Starlocation: here Star what the fuck am I doing with my life?: It’s 10:15 pm and I’m standing in the backstage lavatory at the State Theatre in Sydney trying to urinate. Technically I’m supposed to be working but so far I’ve done nothing except sit in the Green … Continue reading