8 Quick Things I Noticed While Rewatching “Honey I Shrunk The Kids”

Let me preface by saying this film holds up. Directed by Joe Johnston (who would much later make Captain America: The First Avenger) it is a fun high-concept adventure, and the first film that made me want to be an inventor. After seeing it I started stockpiling pieces of junk in … Continue reading

5 Things You Didn’t Know About The Melbourne Comedy Festival

As another Melbourne International Comedy Festival flops into its final week, it dawns on me how your Average Joe Goonbag knows so precious little about the machinations of this annual event. Well, kid, as a seasoned veteran who’s broken even more than a few times in this crazy ol’ fest, I’m … Continue reading

An Open Letter to Me (From My Housemate’s Cat)

You silly cunt. How I loathe you. But you’ve played right into my paws. When I jumped on the bench, I knew the spray bottle was on the other side of the house. You never stood a chance of reaching it in time. I didn’t even want to jump on the … Continue reading

Choosing the Right Cult For You

Raëlism. The Raëlians are into science, nonviolence, and very cosy-looking robes. Yep, I choose Raëlism as the right cult for you. Wow, short article! But hey, since we’re here, why don’t I also review some “personal-development” institutions that are totally-absolutely-in-no-way-legally-defined-as-cults? I only ask because I’ve recently road-tested 3 of Melbourne’s hottest! Now it’s worth noting … Continue reading

People With Samsung Phones Are Arseholes (According to Samsung Commercials)

I’m usually not one for brand loyalty, but sometimes a campaign is so spectacularly obnoxious that I feel compelled to ally myself with their competitor on principle alone. Recently the Gods of Target Advertising decided I was to be given a series of Galaxy GS4 commercials; and while they failed to … Continue reading

Review: “The End of Time” (A Turgid Pile of Pretentious Poo)

I’m not a very useful nerd, I know this. The only knowledge I absorb is that which is completely worthless to both myself and society; too obscure for the most trivial of trivia nights, too uninteresting for even the geekiest of geek circles. So it is a rare occasion that … Continue reading